four months of change.

today is the day.
It feels like the "first day of school" feeling or that you feeling you have when you have a fat crush on someone and they remember your name. ok, those circumstances are bit a different but I personally get butterflies in my stomach for both occasion, and that is what is happening again today.

I dont do well alone. in fact, I dont really do anything by myself, but that all changes today! I am grabbing life by the horns and living the dream. flying 10+ hours by myself (which is a feat in of itself because i HATE to fly) and I am going to Spain for 4 months. I couldnt be more excited to just be spontanius and to live a life that is totally new, but with that comes change (which is somehting I hate more than flying). but it is time that I start to embrace change and stop letting my fears control my life. Everything about this trip scares me, and that is why I am so excited to go. Get out of my comfort zone, explore somewhere so different, and not to mention have a good place to practice my spanish. I need this trip. I need this growth and I need an expereience unlike anything I've ever had, because if I dont do it now, I probably would never leave my bubble of comfort.

A lot a stressful and drama filled things have been happening in my life these past months, even this past year and so you could say I a pulling a Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love and i'm leaving. Some people have said that you go to college to find yourself, but I disagree. I went to college and lost myself. I realized that life is bigger then the small town I lived in, and so my world was rocked when life started to go the ways in which I could not control. I have spent the last three semesters at college, trying to figure out what I want and who I want to be, as cliche as that sounds. But it really is true, there is so much more to life then I knew at 17 and no I am just continuing on in that search. and so I guess you could say I am going to Spain to "find myself", what ever that really means. To me it means, I am going to just GO. leave all this stress and worry here (its not like it wont be there when I get back) and go somewhere where I can just think for myself. And I know that I wont necessarily find what I am looking for there, but it can just be a time where I can reflect and just get my ideas about life together. If anything, I will have just seen a whole new culture and met some really awesome people, I hope! This whole expereicne just gives me such an appreciation for what I have and as I sit here in the terminal typing this is still doesnt even seem real.. and those butterflies come back everytime I think about what my life is going to be like this time tomorrow.

the people in my life now, are some of the best people that I have known and it is so sad to leave them, but I know that four months will go by so fast and they wont even have time to miss me. but just know that I love you and that I cant wait to hear about everyone elses' adventures. So, send your prayers my way if you could, and be on the look out for updates on how this spainsh adventure is going and where it will lead me.